Thousands of people head off to France every year to experience the supposed healing properties of the waters at Lourdes. A place where miracles are said to happen they say.

I’ve never been there myself, but I am a regular visitor to somewhere much closer to home that I now believe offers similar wonder cures to this famous place of pilgrimage.

It’s Highworth Co-op.

Yes, that’s right. For the price of a packet of cornflakes, you too can be restored back to full health at the unlikely location of your local supermarket.

You don’t even have to use one of those wonderfully convenient self-service points. Just browse the aisles, queue up as normal and let the store’s ‘healing process’ take its full effect.

But as someone who has witnessed all this first hand on numerous occasions, those looking for the Co-op miracle must do ONE CRUCIAL THING – park your car in one of the disabled spaces clearly marked at the front of the store. You can’t miss them.

And whatever you do, do not under any circumstances attempt to park anywhere else in the car park. Free spaces just a wheel-turn away should be avoided at all costs, especially those just opposite the disabled bays themselves.

Ideally, you need to be driving a 4x4, preferably a Range Rover, and ideally the Sport model. I’ve also seen many people getting into two-seater open-tops to know they work very well as well, but in general any vehicle will do.

Legitimate disabled badges, if you have one, must be hidden from view, though – that’s very important.

And for those truly desperate, I’ve noticed taking up two disabled spaces when you park also really helps.

The result?

Drivers who quite obviously need to take up a disabled spot because they’re incapacitated or infirm return from their shopping trip totalled cured of their ills – some even skipping back to their conveniently parked vehicles, wine in hand clearly ready to celebrate their new lease of life.
I can tell you, it’s a miracle happening right here in Highworth – everyday.
I haven’t looked around the back, but there must be hundreds of walking sticks, zimmer frames and wheelchairs all piled up, where customers have obviously thrown them away in utter joy at being ‘blessed’ with new mobility.

Most amazingly, even the staff seemed unmoved that they are working in such an incredible environment. Totally unfazed that miracles are going on around them daily.

When I pointed out the phenomena to the assistant manager the other day, they seemed quite nonchalant that possibly the biggest story of the 21st century was about to break.
But perhaps when Sky news and whole of the world’s media descend on Brewery street to report this ‘supernatural’ occurrence, we may just realise how lucky we are to have such a cure for all ills right on our doorstep.

Something tells me, though, that trying to find a parking space might just be more tricky afterwards.

Phil Poulton
Phil is the owner of www.SwindonWeb.com, a website all about Swindon, and has lived in Highworth all his life